Sevenfold Silence

In the otherkin community there's a lot of talk of where we came from and why we're the way we are (which makes sense--it's a big mystery). Sometimes people start talking about if we're here as a 'punishment', or if Earth is like purgatory, and--meaning no offense to these people--I feel like either banging my head against the wall, or offering teary hugs.

Are you here to be punished? I can't say for certain, but if you think you are you'll probably be that much more miserable, and you'll end up feeling punished. Regardless of how miserable you actually are (and if you are genuinely unhappy, I am very sorry for this), you'll become miserable if you think your existence here is pain. Moods are self-fulfilling prophecies like that.

I think that at the time of one's Awakening one goes through a certain bout of depression that's symptomatic of identity problems in general. It isn't intrinsic to the otherkin experience in general, at all--plenty of people go through it for other reasons, and I think that in time it passes. Moreover I think that a lot of people Awaken during adolescence/puberty, at which point depression and general unhappiness manifest. Whether or not you're actually here as a punishment, immediately around your Awakening might not be the right time to entertain the notion--it'll make you more unhappy than the psychological shock alone would.

In other words, it's possible--lots of things are possible, and I won't get into questions of karma, ethics, or pissing-off of godforms--but I'd hope that anyone entertaining the notion would consider other possibilities quite seriously. And--to be honest--if you are sincerely that depressed to believe that your entire existence is intended as a kind of purgatory, please at least consider going to a psychologist. The bad rap they get in the 'kin community is, in my opinion, undeserved--they are not going to lock you up, and they can help you through whatever psychological pain you are in. I promise.

It's been a long-standing goal of mine to integrate my spiritual practice into something genuinely coherent; it's got ceremonial magick, pagan (with a strong heathen streak), and otherkin elements, but I tend to keep them strongly compartmentalized and don't mix them. I'm still in favor of not mixing my ceremonial magick with my paganism, though otherkin, I think, is the closest I come to a bridge between the two. I claim a fey current, which affects how I work my magick, and how I deal with my gods.

I'm receiving a strong push from my gods right now to start doing ancestral work. I did a little genealogy this summer--all of the explicitly human kind, natch. I've got a pretty big/impressive family tree going on right now, and I'm pleased--although this does approximately fuck-all for my otherkin work. What elucidates my human ancestry, in fact, seems to muddy my fey current. My identification with elves/the fae/the sidhe/whatever I am, primarily takes the form of an energetic, symbolic, or archetypal alignment. I've received some indication (from a medium, in trance) that there might be something genetic/in the blood/from the family in there, but I don't hold that to be unconditionally true.

But somehow assembling all of these names, fleshing out this tree, learning locations and dates, all of this seems to weaken (temporarily) my connection to that fey current. I'm not sure what it is--skeptics, I think, could say that I'm looking back and seeing that there's no big mark on my family tree that says GREAT-GRANDMOTHER WAS SEELIE SIDHE but that's not really true; my connection is non-literal, and if there's any genetic predilection to this non-literal connection of course it wouldn't show up on a family tree. (Maybe in family stories, though.) IF anything it piques the curiosity: it makes me want to go further and further back (as though I'd find the connection back there!)

In the process of doing this work I've found myself called to make an ancestral altar, which I've done. One of the most interesting things about having done this and sat with it is that it serves as a mirror for the fey current and reflects it back to me. It's much calmer and more dignified of a current than I'd given it credit for. I'll have to sit with it more, evaluate it, consider it. This should balance out the mitigating effect, I think, that more everyday genealogy has.

Huh. I'm sorry updates stopped coming. Part of it was a lost laptop, but part of it was just ennui on my part. I'm still alive--promise. I'll be updating more regularly now that I'm getting my bearings in the new school year.

Just as a heads up, Faerie Nation is having one of its public phone rituals on September 13th, 2008. If you're interested in more information, email me at veamoryn@gmail.com. Everyone's welcome--not just the fae, and not just even otherkin. Seriously, don't be shy!

Novelist R. A. Ramsey is looking to portray otherkin respectfully and intelligently in an upcoming book of hers--which is always a valuable goal! Wanna help her out? Look here.

My answers (warning: it's long):

1. How old were you when you realized that you were Otherkin/Therian? - I was 18 or so when I started having stirrings of otherkin per se, but I'd been "odd" as long as I could remember. I only came to terms with it when I was about 20 or so.

2. How did that realization come about? - I stumbled across some otherkin materials online, scoffed at it, moved on my way--and proceeded to be haunted by it for weeks, months..and gradually, over time, years. I ended up with a physical symptom that wouldn't go away, namely phantom wings coming out of my shoulderblades. Psychosomatic? Maybe, but even if so it was (and is) reflecting something deeper psychologically--namely me identifying with that nice big word 'otherkin'. Eventually I let go of the "but that's crazy!" struggle and grabbed hold of it with both hands as word that reflects who and what I am, and I haven't let go!

3. What was it like those first few years of trying to understand what was going on? - It was scary and upsetting. I'd always comforted myself with the idea that people who believed "that sort of thing" were most definitely and certainly crazy, and then falling into the crazy camp wasn't really very comforting. I tried to talk it out with a few friends but they weren't interested and dismissed it as "crazy" and thankfully it hasn't come up since since I don't think they'd be very open-minded or friendly about it--I've actually been known to make fun *of my own subculture* to them, without of course announcing what I am, to deflect suspicion and probably deal with my own insecurities. I dealt with varying stages of "this is crazy: I must be faking this" for easily two years before I finally threw up my hands, said the hell with it, and accepted what seemed to be going on.

4. Did you have anybody you could talk to? How did they help you get through this? - I tried bringing it up to some real-life friends, as I described above, but that didn't go so hot. Eventually I made a LiveJournal at maybewinged.livejournal.com (mostly defunct, although has a few essays on it still) to discuss stuff. I friended some people whose writing I liked, out of the blue, and they had the courtesy to friend me back and comment on my entries and generally cheer me through the whole scary process. I never got a very personal connection with any of them, unfortunately, at least on that journal--my "real" LJ, which I keep wholly separate from that one for privacy reasons, is where I talk with those people. It's kind of like I'm living a double-life, and I don't really like it.
Nowadays, however, I've met an otherkin in real life. We chat. I'm still largely in the process of awakening (I have no idea what I am in particular, other than that I'm "something fey"), and discussing things is helping me fine it down. I'm sure it helps her out too. :)

5. How does being Otherkin/Therian affect your everyday life? - It's hard for me to say--I've been otherkin to some degree all my life, so I don't really have a basis for context for how it'd be to be any other way. (In my case, it's a current of energy that I seem to naturally fall into, so yes it's a matter of degree.) There are a number of 'symptoms' that I gather are somehow related, like migraines with intense, vivid aura; synesthesia; ease of astral projection; and ease of connection with spiritual entities, and spiritual possession in ritual. Maybe the most practical and obvious way in which it affects my everyday life is in that it's *obvious* that I'm odd somehow--make me up in pretty makeup, dress me in nice clothes, but there'll still be something a little too intense and strange in my eyes. It really does affect the way people treat me, and the 'vibe' I give off--it makes me a little standoffish, I think. (An ex called it a "powerful" look--what a compliment!) --again, it's hard to discuss this because you're asking me to specifically describe something that's been interwoven through my whole life to varying degrees, so pulling out something from my life and saying "x is because of y and z" is hard.

6. How does it affect the way you view the world? - It's given me a sense of the wild, spiritual, and free, that I feel is more integrated with my life than it would be otherwise; I'm not prodding gently at the mysteries from the outside, and instead I'm engrossed in them wholeheartedly since I embody a part of them. I expect I wouldn't be bisexual, as liberal as I am, a heathen and magician, or that I would have such a strong environmentalist streak if I weren't otherkin at my core. Again, that's a hard question to answer in particulars. "It makes me wilder, feyer, and freer" isn't much of a useful answer to you...

7. Do you have any physical manifestations of your “animal self” such as cravings, markings, etc? - That look in the eyes, again. I store tension in my "wings" that I've been looking into releasing through stretching (in the physical) and qigong (in the energetic and the astral)--it gives me a real desire for backrubs. I expect I end up putting on glamours that make me look variously "fey" but I'm the wrong person to ask on how those turn out.

8. How did your family and friends react when you “came out” about being Otherkin/Therian? - I haven't done this. I only come out to people who come out to me first, and the only person who's done that for me has been the aforementioned real-life friend I'm still piecing stuff out with.

9. Have you experienced any discrimination because of being Otherkin/Therian? - Nope, and I'm deliberately laying low so as to not attract it. I'm applying for grad school this year and don't want anything attached to me when they google my name that might result in me getting the hairy eyeball during the application practice, so I'm doing everything very deliberately pseudonomically, and I am not out to friends and family.

10. If you are part of the Pagan community, what has been the reaction from them? - Haven't brought it up. Pagans are actually some of the *least* friendly toward the idea of otherkin, IMO. The desire to "not look fluffy" results in a whole lot of backlash.

General Questions

1. Is there a predominance of one animal type within the Otherkin/Therian community or is it a broad mix? - There's a broad mix, I think, but certain types are more common than others. You're way more likely to find dragons and elves, for instance, than you will imps and goblins.

2. Do the animal types tend to be more of the larger four-footed variety? Or does it include smaller animals, reptiles, birds, and even insects? - There are all sorts of animals out there, but I won't deny that mammals are more common than others. That said, I don't really "do" the Therian thing--they've got a lot in common with otherkin but I just don't hang with them.

3. Do Otherkin/Therians have two souls – both animal and human or is it one combined soul? - In my case it's one combined soul, but I know that plenty of 'kin are "multiple systems" with two or more souls.

4. Do Otherkin/Therians lean more towards Pagan/Non-Judeo Christian beliefs or are there Christian Otherkin/Therians? - I think they do in general, although I'd describe otherkin as more leaning toward "magic" than religion. We may or may not be interested in God(s) but we're definitely interested in cracking open the universe and trying to see how it ticks. Magic tends to go hand-in-hand with paganism; it's not quite such an easy fit with Christians.

5. How do you integrate your spiritual beliefs with who you are as an Otherkin/Therian? - I'm still working on that--in fact, that's been a big part of my spiritual journey as late. I'm a Thelemite, and Thelema has a strong gnostic component, and exploring and accepting myself as otherkin falls under the category of "knowing myself". With it, as I mentioned above, comes certain spiritual territory, like ease of astral travel, connection with spirits, and spiritual possession. With that in mind I'm looking at--and receiving a call to--traditional Norse shamanism called seidh.

6. What is some common terminology used among the Otherkin/Therian community? - Uhhh. I'm drawing a blank here. :P All I can think of right now is "mundane" or "muggle" for a non-otherkin--which, for the record, I object strongly to and consider it virtually perjorative.

7. Is there anything else I should know about the Otherkin/Therian community to properly portray it in my novel? - I can't think of anything. You've covered the bases pretty well here!

I've been meaning for a while to write a post about glamourbombing (Eshari's description is one of the best I've seen, no lie). You may know it as Poetic Terrorism (obligatory disclaimer: I love a lot of Hakim Bey's ideas but disagree vehemently with some of his lifestyle choices), or Outlaw Clowning within the Faerie Nation community.

Personally, I've got a checkered history with glamourbombing: I love doing it, but I do not know if I am particularly good at it, and as a result I haven't done it in a long time. Perhaps that's why I feel so drawn to write about it?

I guess this is a good place to start: glamourbombing goes hand in hand with a lot of otherkin stuff, particularly the fey-flavored. I do not think I would be drawn to it--I do not think I'd love it so much--if I weren't otherkin. My fondness for it is one of the big tipoffs to me that I'm somehow otherworldly.

But I think that to pretend that it's largely otherkin, or even that most otherkin do it or are interested in it, is potentially deceptive. While I haven't seen statistics I'd be surprised if that were the case on either count. It speaks volumes that not only was one of the most best and most dedicated glamourbombers I knew a chaos magician, but that the weakest section in the otherwise incredibly awesome Field Guide (which you really ought to read if you haven't already) was the part on glamourbombing.

We have something to do with it, in other words. But we're not quite joined at the hip.

My friend got kittens. They're cute, they stumble around and chase each other and sleep three quarters of the day, and they have no memory worth speaking of.

And it's the latter one that's important. Kittens don't remember. They remember in the vaguest sense--they might like you a lot--but they won't remember that it's because you held them for a two hour car ride (like I did to our kittens). They may hate you, but they won't remember that it's because you stepped on their tails. They may be scared of you, but they won't remember that it's because you made loud noises at them. Their memory's experiential, but not event-based. (Presumably. To be fair, I haven't done much research on kittens. This is conjecture.)

If we accept reincarnation, well...in terms of our past lives, we're like kittens. We may remember likes, dislikes, loves, hates, and still have them affect us, but we can't remember far enough back, beyond this life, to remember why we feel like we do. We can't remember the metaphorical steppings upon of the tail, or the holdings and lovings. Living in the present, affected by the dark past--like kittens.

Which makes me wonder, in a roundabout way--if this metaphor's at all accurate or worth playing with!--if people with better memories have better past life recall. (As in, they can remember back further and more accurately, essentially.) I'm suspicious of this whole notion, primarily because I have a memory like a steel trap, at least in this life, and can't remember a blessed thing reliably from any past lives.

(Note: there's a conclusion I think you can maybe draw from this, which is that if we have better memories than kittens, maybe there's something out there that remembers things from past lives routinely, and thinks of us human-bodied things as being silly and forgetful like kittens! To which I say--maybe, but strictly in the realm of theory. Unless somebody remembers being such a creature?)

I have a preliminary draft for "otherkin yoga" put together, designed to:

1) Reduce pain and other physical discomfort associated with phantom limbs.
2) Further integrate phantom limbs into the individual's understanding of their body and aura--in other words, to increase the individual's everyday awareness of hir phantom limbs.
3) Via number 2, further intensify the individual's species' energetic current in the individual--long story short, to cast a glamour and make you seem more of an [insert species here] in a human body.
4) Potentially aid with the remembering of past lives, the discovery of phantom limbs, and other aspects of otherkin-specific existence.

I've been testing and tweaking it for about a month. Some aspects are pretty refined; others aren't.

If you're interested in seeing the document or helping out with this project (so far it only deals with wings; since I haven't got anything else I don't know how to stretch or manipulate it, and would appreciate help) drop me a line at veamoryn@gmail.com and I'll send you the document.